The Worst Kind of Pain
by elizarocks9902
Summary: Lucy Heartfilia had one man for her, to bad he got taken before she had the chance to admit how much she loved him. NaLi, one sided NaLu. Warning: this is depressing. There, I warned you.
1. The Pain You've Caused Me

I smiled. It was fake, but the people around me didn't need to know that. The first two had been Laxus and Mira, then Cana and Bacchus, then Levy and Gajeel, then Elfman and Evergreen, and then the rest started falling into place. Hell, even the exceeds started dating, but it wasn't until my own teammates abandoned me to start dating I had started breaking. First, predictably, had been Erza and Jellal. They had been sweet and ever so perfect for each other, and I'd been happy for them, I'd even encouraged them to break away frfom the rest of us to catch up. I had also been happy, if a little surprised, when Juvia and Gray started dating, and I'd been happy for them as well. The third to start dating was Wendy and Romeo, and of course I'd teased them about it, even more so than anyone else.

That day everyone was being all kissy kissy, and I'd been talking to Natsu alone. I had decided that there and then I would confess to him, how much I admired and respected him. How much I fucking loved the man. But then Lissanna came up to him and asked him out, right in front of me. That was the day my heart froze over, the day my smiles turned fake, because Natsu accepted. I forced myself to sit there, watching them talk and even kiss for half an hour before leaving, and that day it had been storming. I walked home in the rain, not caring enough to grab an umbrella to stop myself from getting soaked, not like any of my friends realized, and I just cried in the rain.

When I woke up the next morning I had a bad cough, but I passed it off as nothing. I had stayed home, drank tea, and I didn't move all that much. Surprisingly, the next day I only got worse. Every day my cough got worse, and I started feeling chest pains. That was a week ago, and even though my sickness was starting to scare me, I didn't dare let myself show it. I chose to visit the guild, to see my friends, and so I walked to the Fairy Tail guild hall. With a fake smile plastered to my face I walked into the guild hall of Fairy Tail. I greeted people, but none of them greeted me back. Frowning, I walked over to ask Mira for a smoothie, but she just walked away into the back. So there I was now, sitting at the bar, biting the inside of my lip to keep from crying as I smiled. My mom had once told me that the worst type of pain is when your smiling just to stop the tears, and I now know how fucking true those words are.

Natsu, the only man I've ever truly had eyes for, was making out with Lissanna, not even caring to look over at me. I didn't waste five minutes there, I just right back out those front doors. This time the sky didn't seem to cry for me, so I meagerly attempted to hide my tears as I walked down the streets. No one that passed me by seemed to notice the tears lining my lower eye lid, nor did the notice the slight tremble of my bottom lip as I smiled, and when I reached my house I only walked right by.

I walked right out of town, into the woods towards a secret place only me and Natsu knew of. When I reached it the tears were already streaking down my face, and as I stared into the surface of the water I imagined Natsu's head popping out of the water, just so he could flash me one of those big smiles of his. My sobs echoed as I stood there, my arms wrapping around myself as I shook and shivered, wanting to die. I remembered the faces of all my friends, none of them caring enough to look at me as they focused on their lovers. I remembered Mira's dismissal, but the worst was Natsu who didn't spare me a glance as he was too busy focused on Lissanna. Lissanna.

I walked up to the shore of the lake and looked at my reflection. My eyes were red, I had bags under my eyes, and my skin was streaked with the tears that were still falling.

"Is it because I'm not pretty enough? What does she have that I don't? Does he hate me, doea he just want me to leave him alone? Why the fuck won't he LOOK AT ME!" I shrieked at myself as I glared at my own reflection, hating the weakness I saw glaring back at me. I screamed at myself, ripping at my hair and digging my nails into my skin as I thought of one woman, one _fucking_ woman that had one handedly destroyed my life, my will to live. _Natsu_. Why did I have to go and fall so fucking _deeply_ in love with that pink haired idiot? Why couldn't I just forget him and find someone else? Why couldn't I just let _go_ of the thought of him and me together? Why is he so fucking _special_?

What made him worth the pain that made me smile to hide the tears, that made me want to fucking kill myself to get it over with? Why did I have to be so fucking stupid?

"GAAH!" I screamed as my nails pierced through the flesh of my left breast, uncaring of the bloody crimson cresent shape marks I left in my wake. I started cutting myself with my nails that had grown far too long, until my fingers touched the skin of my wrist. A lightning bolt of a feeling rushed down my spine as I dug my nail ever so slightly into my wrist, and I grinned. It wasn't one of happiness, it wasn't one of pain, but of _release_. What I had just felt made me feel more alive than anything Natsu had ever done.

Natsu _fucking_ Dragneel. my grin turned from blood lust to pleasure as I forced my nail into my wrist. It was then I felt the cries of my spirits, they were howling at me to stop and live. _Life_. Hah. To fucking late for that now. Even if there wasn't blood gushing from the cut wound from my wrist, I wouldn't want to live in this world. This _fucking_ world was too fucking _twisted_. It gave me a loving mother and father, then killed off my mother and made my father hate me. It gave me Fairy Tail, a place I thought I could call home, and then they left me in the dirt to wallow in my misery and pain. I started coughing madly, I couldn't stop it. I moved onto my knees and leaned on my uncut hand as I started hacking, trying to get out the thing that seemed lodged in my throat. I coughed once more, and my ears started ringing.

I could taste metal in my mouth, and I looked hazily down at the grass beneath me, only to see it splattered with blood. _My blood_. I sat back on my knees and reached my hand up to my mouth and pulled it away when it got wet, only to see crimson upon the tip of my finger.

Red. I _hate_ red. My fucking _vision_ was going red, my hand was still spurting out blood happily, and I was forced into another hack fest, causing more blood to splatter onto the ground beneath my mouth. My ears were ringing, but I couldn't help but think I'd just heard someone screaming my name. _Just your imagination Heartfilia. No one gives a damn about you anymore, and a damn is far less than the two fucks they used to. Just grow accustomed to the fact that no one cares anymore._ But as that sad, pitiful train of though crossed my mind I again could here my name being screamed, when all of a sudden I was getting picked up bridal style.

My vision was blurry and red, but I saw a slightly different color now. _Bubble gum pink._ A reminiscing smile came onto my face as I allowed myself to imagine, just this once before my death, that it was actually Natsu carrying me, giving two fucks again whether I lived or died, and a single tear, my very last, streamed down my face, before my head rolled back, and I could see, hear, nor think anymore. Bliss. That is what I felt as my consciousness slipped away. This is is the story of Lucy Heartfilia. This is the story, of how I died.

 **Hey guys! So anyways, I know that the start might have been sucky, but I hope that you all enjoyed. I was looking up Lucy Heartfilia memes, and as I was scrolling down I saw three pictures of her compiled into the one, and in all the pictures she was smiling to stop herself from crying. The message that was written on the picture was 'The worst kind of pain is when you're smiling just to stop the tears from falling...'. So that inspired me to write this fanfic. Sorry it was sad, but I do hope that you all liked it and hat it was enjoyable in the fact that it was somewhat well written (and hopeful you all don't think I did horrible on this). Anyways, hope I didn't waste your time!**

 **Chow for Now! Peace:)**

 **elizarocks9902**

 **P.S. If you cry than I feel ya, I surprised myself whilst writing this, as I started crying like five times.**

 **Love ya!**


	2. The Other Side of the Coin

**Hey everyone! I have an idea on how the sequel will go, as I've had the general idea for it floating around in my head for a while, but then I wrote 'The Worst Kind of Pain' and I decided the idea would be this fanfics sequel. However, I didn't know how I'd transition from this one-shot into the sequel, which will be a multi-chaptered story. However, thanks to one Natalie Reid I now know how to make the transition into the sequel! So, thank you so much Miss Natalie, may I call you Natalie?, for the idea, as it will make the continuation of this fanfic far easier! :)**

 **Now, onto Natsu's POV!:**

"LUCE!" I yelled as I ran over to my blonde teammate, a large smile plastered onto my face when I saw her turn her head to smile at me. I sat down next to her, like always, and we started chatting happily, like always, but the peace that surrounded the two of us was soon to be disturbed, unbeknownst to me.

"Natsu, can I talk to you?" I turned around at the sound of my second best friends voice, Lissanna.

"Sure Lis! Be right back Luce!" I said, shooting up from my seat. Lucy was smiling at me, simply watching me as she waited for me to come back, butmy focus was brought back to Lissanna when she grabbed me by the arm and led me about ten from Luce, and everyone else.

"Natsu, do you like Lucy?" She whispered into my ear, and I frowned.

"Of course I like her, she's my best friend?" She shook her head, her eyes closed and a condescending look on her face before she looked me in the eye.

"No Natsu, do you _like_ like Lucy?" What Lissanna was implying hit me suddenly, and my eyes widened.

"No Lis, she's my best friend!" I said it like dating your best friend was a bad thing, because it was. If Gray and Lucy started dating, or Erza and Lucy, than team ethics would surely be destroyed.

"Well then... Uh, Natsu.. Will you... maybe..."

"Spit it out Lissa-"

"WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?" She shouted out, her eyes clenched closed and her face scrunched up in embarrassment, a large blush overtaking her face.

"Lis." I said in shock, my eyes completely wide, and everyone in the guild was now staring in our direction, their eyes wide as well.

"It's o.k. if you don't want to Natsu. I understand." Lissanna said after not getting a reaction for a few moments, and what I couldn't handle was the sheer amount of disappointment and devastation in her voice. It was meer impulse on my part, as I couldn't stop myself from kissing her on the lips, the only thing I could think of doing in the situation I was suddenly thrust into by my second best friend.

Lissanna's arms immediately wrapped around my neck and she started kissing me back, and I could hear the cheers from my fellow guild mates all around me, congratulating us on our new relationship. When we separated Lissanna started blushing under all the attention she immediately felt as soon as she saw all the people surrounding us. My eyes immediately started looking for Lucy automatically, hoping to see her among the cheering crowd, but I couldn't see her alongside the happy faces and crudely gesturing hands.

My wandering eyes found her at the bar, smiling into a cup of alcohol, and I frowned, about to make my way over to her when I was picked up by the croud, and soon enough I was being carried, alongside Lissanna, towards the table I'd just been sitting with Lucy at. I was set down first onto a seat, and Lissanna was placed onto my lap soon after. Everyone was around us. cheering, gesturing and congratulating me on finally getting a girlfriend, and Lissanna for finally making me see that I was in need of a girlfriend, but Lucy didn't leave the bar once.

I watched her out of the corner of my eyes as I started talking with all the people around me, and after a bit they started slowly going back to what they'd been doing previously. I looked over at the bar again, only to see that Lucy wasn't there. Frowning, I looked around, only to see her exiting the building via the front door, just as I was going to call her back Lissanna wrapped her arms around my neck, and my focus immediately went back to the woman in my lap, who had become my girlfriend in a mere half an hour.

The next day, and the day after that, Lucy came to the guild, but I was always to preoccupied to talk to her, even though I wanted to. I noticed slight changes in her appearance whenever I could get a glance in her way, and each time she looked a little worse. Weeks went by, and I didn't even notice it, but I was apparently looking worse as well, because Lissanna started inquiring about my sleeping habits which, as of late, had been worsening, not that I noticed much or cared all that much.

It happened suddenly. It was like any other day, I was talking to Lissanna at our usual table when Lucy walked in, and as I started moving my gaze over to my best friend, whom I I belatedly recognized as she got halfway to the bar, when I felt arms wrap around my neck and lips on mine own, and my eyes closed and instinctively my own arms wrapped around Lissanna's middle. To most people, the light gasp that made its way out of Lucy's lips was none existent, but thanks to my hearing I heard the slight inhale of breath that went in just a tad too sharply, and the smell of salt hit my nose when I zoned in on Lucy's scent.

As my lips parted from Lissanna's I saw Lucy making her way out of the guild, even though she'd just came in, and I stood up to go after her, only for Lissanna to grab my arm.

"Where are you going?" She asked sweetly, and even though I had a horrible, absolutely dreadful feeling in the pit of my stomach, I still sat down next to Lissanna and started talking to her again. As Lucy's scent got farther away the more dread I felt, and just as I started calming myself the first loud screech reached my ears. I shot up from my seat and ran out the door before anyone could inquire what I was doing, my focus on the screeches of pain that seemed to be coming from the way Lucy's scent went.

Dread, a horrible mass of black creeping up on my mind hit me as I drew closer to Lucy's scent, to the screeches and cries of pain. Salt and the smell of icing and _salt_ hit my nose as I rocketed into the clearing that held Lucy and mines special place, and my blood ran could, and all I felt was guilt, oppressive, horrible guilt as I stared at the maimed body of my best friend, who lay in a large puddle of blood.

I rushed over to her side, but I could already see that she needed Wendy immediately, because the injuries littering her body were far worse than anything I'd ever seen on the woman before me. Her chest was cut deeply with crescent shaped marks, hair was covering her hands, and blood was running from her right wrist. Her mouth was surrounded by red liquid, which I immediately knew was blood, but what gave me hope was the fact that she was still breathing.

I quickly picked her up, moving softly to try not to jostle her, and as soon as I had her in my arms I took off, running as fast as I could to try and get her to Wendy. Hope filled me as I smelled the other dragon slayers getting closer, including Fairy Tail's little sky dragon slayer, and I would have smiled had Lucy not been so hurt and beaten up in my arms. I felt my hope soaring to new heights when I saw them Gajeel and Wendy and Lily and Carla all rushing towards me...when I felt Lucy's head, which she'd miraculously kept up till then, fall back onto my arm.

I immediately froze, mid step, collapsing to the ground on my knees as I placed Lucy down, my hands frantically searching for her heartbeat.

There was none.

Wendy reached me and Lucy then and I pulled her towards Lucy, tears springing and streaking down my face as I desperately tried to reassure myself that Lucy was alive, that she was alive and well and that she was going to fucking _smile at me_ again, like she used to before I started dating Lissanna, when I smelled Wendy starting to tear up.

"WHY?!" I yelled to the sky as I felt a pain like never before soar throughout my body, and a ball of despair knot itself in my throat as I knew then, for a certainty, the my Luce was dead. I roared to the sky in pain, a feeling I'd never felt so intensely before that moment, and as I let out my screams of pure agony I just couldn't allow myself to hear Wendy's fellow screams, tears and sniffles as she sobbed over Lucy's body.

I didn't care when Gajeel started crying even, for at that time I was already setting my body aflame, kicking and punching trees as I took out my anger, my desperation, my fucking _pain_ out on the trees, clinging on to the small hope that I'd be able to release the sudden stress through such means, but it was all useless, just _fucking useless_ , just like how useless it was to think that I'd ever see Lucy's smile again, or hear her laugh, or hear her reprimand me. Just like it was fucking useless to think I'd ever see her hold Happy again, or gaze into my eyes with her joy blatantly obvious in her light, honey brown orbs.

Screams crawled out of my throat and hit my ears like wrecking balls, and as my vision became too blurry to see I just collapsed, my tears and sobs becoming absorbed by the ground beneath me.

The funeral of Lucy Heartfilia was held two days later, and no one, not even those who didn't know her, we're happy that day. The moment Natsu saw Lucy's spirits carrying out their former master, tears weld up in his eyes, and his throat burned. Lucy looked beautiful, even in the bitter state of death, and everyone present was awed by how much she looked like an angel. _But then again, Angels don't die, they are eternal and stay by the people they are loyal and love. Why couldn't you have been an actual angel Lucy, then I wouldn't have to see you like this_ , I thought all too bitter over what happened, the wound still fresh and sore and throbbing.

Around Lucy's head was a circlet of blue, thornless roses that were specially breeded in the northernmost part of Fiore, and she wore a multi layered white lace robe. Around her waist was a brown belt, and my eyes widened when I saw that Lucy's celestial keys were still attached. _They love her so much that they don't want another master?_ When they placed her casket onto the raft that floated on the water the water started glimmering especially bright, like they knew they were carrying someone important, and with that Lucy's spirits pushed the raft off far enough so it could get caught up in the current, and then we all stood back to watch Fairy Tail's former celestial Mage float off with the current.

Everyone had decided to Lucy wouldn't be buried, but when no alternative ideas had come forth I had told mine own thought, that we could let her float off in the stream that led away from my and Lucy's special place, and everyone else had agreed. So now, the place that I had found Lucy dying was the last place we'd all see her body as it floated away from us, and we all couldn't help but wonder what we could have done to save the blonde as we watched her float away, her hair fanned out around her like a halo and the blue roses in her hair pronouncing the paleness of her skin.

The farther Lucy's body got the more self pitying I felt, and when her body disappeared from my sight I fell to my knees and hunched over, my hands fisting the dirt as I cried silently, my body shaking with sobs. Everyone slowly left, even happy, but I refused. I stayed well into the night, just crying as I wondered when everything had gone so horribly wrong for Lucy to do this to herself and us, and when my body couldn't produce any more tears I stood up shakily and started stumbling home. However, I didn't notice how I passed my home by, and I didn't realize that I had till I stood outside Lucy's apartment door, because that's when it hit me.

Out of instinct, out of necessity for hope and nostalgia's sake, I jumped up to the window and climbed into Lucy's room, and a ball of pain lodged itself in my throat again as I smelled vanilla icing with a hint of strawberry, Lucy's scent, hit my nose all of a sudden, making me feel like Lucy was going to walk in through the door any second, look at me, and kick me into a wall, but after waiting for a while, I remembered that she was _dead_ , and wishful thinking wouldn't help. I threw myself onto her bed, like I had so many times before, and as I inhaled her scent that lingered on her pillow I slowly drifted off to sleep, I imagined a world, a time that felt so very long ago when Lucy was still alive, breathing, smiling.

I smiled into the pillow as I nodded off, but it was not a smile of pain or sadness. It was a smile filled with happiness and joy. And it was hiding every ounce of pain that I was balling up inside.

 **Hey guys! So there you go, the second chapter, and this was all thanks to _ones review_ guys! Huge thanks to Natalie Reid for the idea, and you all should thank her if you enjoyed this, for this was all her idea that I expanded on! Anyways, for the sequel I have two ideas, and I want you all to cast your votes on which sequel you want. I might not even use your votes, depending on how I feel, but if you give me good reasons, or at the very least _one_ good reason to go with either of these two endings, it'll make me want to chose them more! (Wink wink!):**

 **Sequel 1:**

 **Lucy gets a second chance at life, in which she retains all her memories from her previous life, and said memories get transferred into her body at the time of Natsu bringing her to the guild for the first time ever. This promises to be a long fanfic, and while it would be hard to think up a beginning, I already have the ending in mind.**

 **Sequel 2:**

 **Everyone else in Fairy Tail, which doesn't include Lucy, gets sent back with their memories into their old bodies, and said bodies are existing when Natsu first takes Lucy to Fairy Tail. While I can already see a first chapter for this one, I can't see much else for this sequel idea. This also promises, most likely, to be a fanfic, just in case you wanted to know.**

 **Cast your votes, and while I'm leaning more towards sequel 2 at the moment, I'll most likely go with the first idea since it would be easier to write. However, if you want one of these endings done make sure you make your wants and opinions on the matter known, as they'll make an impact! (Big or small. Don't judge!)**

 **Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I hope you poll in!**

 **Chow for Now! Peace:)**

 **elizarocks9902**

 **P.S. I have no idea if anything in my author not above made sense so... Whatever. Love y'all!**


	3. Sequel Teaser!

**"So Heartfilia, you wish to have a second chance?"**

"More than anything."

 **"Be careful what you wish for."**

"I don't give a shit anymore! I have nothing else to lose, and some cliche as fuck line like that isn't gonna scare me away. Give me a second chance, and allow me to make up for my mistakes."

 **"Past times are what you seal, allow me to give you the gift of something I believe you deserve."**

"What would that be?"

 **"No need to be worried my dear. My gift is somethi many people wish for, that they want desperately, but I'm giving you the chance because I've taken a certain...interest in you. For being so entertaining, I'm going to allow you to go back in time, to a time that you both wish to forget, and to relive. You are now a new member of Fairy Tail, you've entered only two days ago, but everyone has this feeling you are going to make some major changes around the world. Don't you dare try disappointing us lass."**

Lucy giggled at Death's weird accent by the end, but she gasped when she was suddenly surrounded by a comfy, warm feeling, a feeling in which she immediately recognized. _I'm in my bed_ , she realized in awe. Her eyes widened as she realized that Death had, in fact, given her a second chance.

"Aw HELL YA!" She yelled, realizing she now had a second chance. _Now all I have to do is make Natsu not oblivious._ With that though in mind, Lucy started to plot, plot like she was going to dominate the whole world. Oh well, when life gives you lemons, just make Death give you grape juice! _Or, something along that line._

 **Hey guys! So, I wanted to get this teaser out for you guys since I won't be able to start working on the sequel to this fanfic right away, as I have to complete my other fanfic a first before I started on this one. However, this is going to be something that I plan to do as soon as I finish my Naruto FanFiction, so look out for when that happens! Also, I thank you all for your patience, I just wrote this real quick so that you all would know that I do care, and that I refuse to leave you all hanging!**

 **Hope this has sated you all for a little while!**

 **Chiw for Now! Peace:)**

 **elizarocks9902**


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